The total exercise of vulnerability and expression of my soul. It has been a long road with many miles ahead, but I’ve been whole-heartedly embracing the journey of deciphering the difference between the chattering of the ego and the magical voice of the Self.
The CarrieLand Light-Language Exalted Expression Manifesto
Public Consumption Entry ONE
You might notice or become aware of the way in which I express myself as an aftermath of this fine-tuning. I can honestly tell you, Grammarly despises me. Over 85% of this blog is covered with red & blue underlines. If you know what I mean, you’ll totally pick-up what I’m putting down. I call it my own brand of light language but in the form of semi-straight conscious thought.
So, here goes….
Holy shit, Olympus rising, squirrels of the awakening, and time-traveling whirly-gigs, I’ve got it.
Whenever I’m in times of indecision, transitions, massive downloading, and chaos in the whole lot of things – I pose a question. Sometimes, that question is to someone else, social media, or the universe.
This time, it was Dear Facebook. I ask,
“Dear Facebook,
Good evening! I am exploring a few retreat ideas that I would like to share in the fall and I would love feedback as to what kind of retreat really vibes with your journey. A few I am leaning into are:
3-5 day silent retreat
Intimacy Activation
5 Element Exploration
Yoga / Meditation
Please share anything and everything!!!”
I nail it with a few awesome hashtags and send it out to all of the people.
Before I step into the space of my epiphany, or as others refer to as ‘download,’ let me get you so worked up with the pre-epiphany tale.
In the last few weeks, I have come into contact with 3-5 integral players in this chaotic yet beautiful mid-life awakening natural disaster. One is whom I like to call the “time traveler.” Second, the “fairy godmother.” Third, is the “aloha express.” And finally, “the mermaid” and the two “divine steeds.” Let’s dive into this just a little bit more.
The Time Traveler
She is of time & space and moves into different realities at will. Sometimes she flies, other times she drives, but most of the time – by a calling made from stars, moon, and galaxies. She plays with fire, and fears water yet loves the bath, is an artisan of the elements, and a gatherer and connector of lost souls. She presents me with gifts and trinkets of surrender.
“I think that at that time none of us quite believed in the Time Machine. The fact is, the Time Traveller was one of those men who are too clever to be believed: you never felt that you saw all round him; you always suspected some subtle reserve, some ingenuity in ambush, behind his lucid frankness.” Orson Wells.
“But the Time Traveller had more than a touch of whim among his elements, and we distrusted him. Things that would have made the frame of a less clever man seemed tricks in his hands. It is a mistake to do things too easily.
…So I don’t think any of us said very much about time traveling in the interval between that Thursday and the next, though its odd potentialities ran, no doubt, in most of our minds: its plausibility, that is, its practical incredibleness, the curious possibilities of anachronism and of utter confusion it suggested.”
The Fairy Godmother
She appears in an iridescent bubble of pastels, reflection, and refraction. She might appear because the appointment was made, but mostly when the time is right. She has no outline – just a subtle glow. She carries a magic wand filled with subtle space.
The great book Wikipedia says, “In fairy tales, a fairy godmother is a fairy with magical powers who acts as a mentor or parent to someone, in the role that an actual godparent was expected to play in many societies. In Perrault’s Cinderella, he concludes the tale with the moral that no personal advantages will suffice without proper connections.” And so it is.
The Aloha Express
The ‘why not’ encounter that turned sludge into air that allowed self-destructive cycles in my personal power to move upwards and towards true north. He breathed life into the spaces in between. The spaces that are oxygen-deprived, cobwebbed, and mirror mazed.
A random passage about the mirror maze. “Several dead ends are scattered throughout the maze. At some of these points, you’ll discover additional intriguing facts and have to solve some mathematical puzzles. Try finding the small hidden room nestled within the maze, to unlock bonus experiences and artifacts. Not everyone will find this mystery room, so navigate carefully!”
He was the maestro of many tales, instruments, and sweet sorrow. His heart glow was that of a giant glow worm that when hugged – would set even the dimmest of glimmers on fire.
ALOOOOOOOOO-HA. Aloha is the essence of being: love, peace, compassion, and a mutual understanding of respect. Aloha means living in harmony with the people and land around you with mercy, sympathy, grace, and kindness. When greeting another person with aloha, there is mutual regard and affection.
The Mermaid
Even the smallest of moments, the slightests of starfish, and sirens of the sea can create a vibrational wave of sweet release and delight. She has curly red hair and smells of saltwater taffy. Her glow is of turquoise and sea glass, and when her water broke, she got in the boat.
The Two Divine Steeds
One is of a whisper, and the other is of fallen snow. They are a different kind of creature, uniquely different but somehow intertwined. They are of the same strand but travel up both channels. The channels that rest on either side of the superhighway to the collective in the sky. They are the keepers of space, honor, and beauty.
And now to the other good part and a not-so-good part. But, alas, the good part and the not-so-good part are always two sides of the same coin. We can flip it a billion times looking for the answer, but the epiphany happens when you give it a good spin.
I’ve stuck myself inside for days and finally decide it’s time to go outside…to weed-wack. My first thought is how happy I am that I didn’t have to reload the string – it was already extended on both sides. Score.
I’m manicuring the edges of the driveway, garden, and yoga patio. I’m super into it and ultra-focused on really nothing. Kind of like that ‘holy shit, how did I even get home’ feeling when you pull into the driveway and realize you must have gotten there with the help of fairy dust or the spirit guide of interstellar navigation.
Anyhow, amid my weed-wacking meditation – I get it. The question I posed to the social media magic ball came in the form of, well something like, that one lyric from the Rush song FREEWILL. Before I tell you the one lyric I speak of, I feel like I must share the lyrics of this entire song.
There are those who think that life
Has nothing left to chance
With a host of holy horrors
To direct our aimless dance
A planet of playthings
We dance on the strings
Of powers we cannot perceive
“The stars aren’t aligned –
Or the gods are malign”
Blame is better to give than receive
You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that’s clear
I will choose free will.
There are those who think that
They were dealt a losing hand
The cards were stacked against them
They weren’t born in Lotus-Land.
All pre-ordained
A prisoner in chains
A victim of venomous fate
Kicked in the face
You can’t pray for a place
In Heaven’s unearthly estate
Each of us
A cell of awareness
Imperfect and incomplete
Genetic blends
With uncertain ends
On a fortune hunt
That’s far too fleet…
Holy fuck. Those lyrics are epic. Like crazy epic.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
Yep, those are the ones.
The question I posed to Facebook was answered in the culmination of the 5 players, a mid-life awakening crisis, indecision, weed-wacking, and a whole lot of other things I won’t go into now.
The retreat I choose to host in the fall is the choice of not deciding. The 4 options I threw out there are the 4 elements of the whole, the separates that alchemize the entire, the ta-da, the Inntirety of many things but nothing at all.
More to come.