The Carrie-Land Light-Language Exalted Expression Manifesto
July 10, 2024
In the last 2-3 weeks, I have been cosmically connected to 3 other NDEs (survivors). Right out the gate, even the pondering of what it means to be a NDE is at its most cellular form. Are we survivors? No, that is not what this is. It is revivors, champions of energetic love & light existence. Yes, that feels right.
One of these beautiful souls called into the arena to co-ponder is a beautiful woman named Crystal. She talked about a ‘universal shift.’ Well, a couple of them. As she explained it to me, I was fully absorbed in every fractal of each letter that formed the words. I ‘got it’ as she shared, but putting what I ‘heard’ down on virtual paper is challenging.
This is one of my post-NDE observations. Yes, I have been fully immersed in my journey and consuming information like a ferocious lion. Whether reading, attending different spiritual/healing workshops, completely flipping my vocation, or living more in the forest than in gen pop, I’ve been deep-diving. Back to the observation. Post-NDE has created an expanse for ‘knowing.’ I consume, and then I absorb or let go. Processing times have become ‘now’ processing. I see it in a quick flicker of yes, no, or backburner.
Back to the first NDE that came into my life just before my first Silent Retreat experience here at Inntirety. I was going to meet her BEFORE the retreat, but the universe decided that wasn’t the right time. And for this, I am grateful.
The Silent Retreat was magical in every way, not in the way I had envisioned but in a way that needed to happen. For one, each attendee was ‘drawn’ due to some circumstance of chance. I say ‘chance,’ but I no longer find that true. They were sent, called, drawn, manifested.
The energy was charged, the frequency was in tune, and love was abound. Everyone, in one way or another, contributed to this magical frequency. Post-NDE, my gift of connecting with energies, not of human frequency, has become a daily occurrence. Pre-NDE, I saw ‘ghosts’ and had what I come to know as ‘seeing’ types of dreams. Now, it’s just always kind of there. Learning HOW to interact with this enhanced frequency has been different and possibly difficult. It is hard to explain. It’s not like learning to ride a bike or try a new recipe.
It is easier to manage on the day-to-day. When I say manage, I mean put it into cruise control. I do this with meditation, earthing, yoga, and listening to music or audiobooks. In contrast, at the retreat, I was pretty much in constant charge. I was in a constant high-vibing state. I call this the ethereal. Messages, downloads, and the like were just in a constant, almost ecstatic flow. This might sound fun, and yes, it CAN be fun at times, but it’s TOO MUCH for the body to handle. I was constantly in the ‘ethereal.’ In this state, it’s almost like a walking trance. If you were to ask me what I recall during my interactions with other retreatgoers, I can’t quite tell you exactly what was happening.
This leads to the second ‘gift’ upgrade post NDE. Trance. Doctors called it vasovagal seizures. My first one was around 16. I’ve always had a strong resilience to pain. I developed an uncanny nack for ‘leaving my body’ as a side-effect of sexual abuse as a child. This resilience wasn’t really a resilience, though. I trained my nervous system to ‘check me out’ in times of high stress or trauma. I would literally leave my earthly body and escape to the ethereal. As a result, my body and mind started becoming more like acquaintances instead of roommates. If I felt pain or stress, check-out time. It is a very common side-effect of this kind of trauma.
* Please let me express that I am no more gifted or special than anyone reading this entry. We ALL have gifts and you probably already have an idea as to what they are. You don’t have to have a NDE to notice them. I feel they just come ‘on board’ in a different way, that’s all.
So ‘vagovagal’ experience one. I was throwing the football around with some co-workers from Little Ceasars at a company picnic. One guy, obviously thinking I was she-ra, threw the ball like Hercules. I caught it but in the act of catching, my fingers bent backwards. The pain was bad enough to put me into an instant black-out. When I woke up, my hands were swollen and all kinds of weird colors that they shouldn’t have been. I was then in the hospital. It was explained to me that I had fainted, had a seizure, and was now in the hospital for observation. The conclusion or diagnosis was vasovagal seizures.
“Vasovagal syncope (VVS) can sometimes trigger a seizure in rare cases. VVS is a type of reflex syncope, which is a fainting episode caused by a malfunction in the nervous system’s regulation of blood pressure and heart rate. This malfunction can be triggered by a number of things, including:
- Extreme pain or fear
- Seeing something that’s disturbing, like blood
- Standing for a long time
- Heat exposure
- Having blood draw
My drivers licence was snatched up for a few months until my doctor knew for certain that his diagnosis was correct.
Post NDE, these episodes present themselves in a very different way. I call them ‘lights out’ experiences. When I am overstimulated or haven’t ‘returned’ to my body for an extended amount of time, I essentially ‘black out.’ In these ‘black outs,’ I travel. Some have been to another person’s body in a different time/space, and some present as what I can only call ‘lessons’ but are not contained in any time sequence. My mind and body are separate. Crystal called it a ‘trance’ like state. I am now working with her to have more control over these episodes and willingly ‘call them in’ instead of being spontaneous. For now, I am working on feeling safe in my body. Due to circumstances, I’ve lived outside of my body for most of my life. The feeling of being ‘in my body’ hasn’t felt safe. I’m learning that being ‘in my body’ is the safest place to be.
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